Introduction

 As with many people, the last year has been quite remarkable given all of the restrictions with COVID, working from home, limited time with family and friends, etc.  Back in April, I hit a breaking point.  I was out of shape, overweight, and not in a very good emotional state.  I talked to several people that were in much the same situation I was.  One day, after lunch, I just decided that I was done with the way things were and needed to change.  I don't know what caused it to happen that day, but it did.  

For background, I worked many years in computer software design and implementation.  I have a natural ability with it, and have had much success over my career.  I have US patents, and have won numerous individual and group awards from the companies that I worked for.  I have to say that I am achievement driven, which lends itself well when you work with computer software.  Success and achievement are easy to measure.  The problem is that the more you achieve, the more you want to achieve and when you're not achieving something, you have an empty feeling.  You're like a mouse running on a wheel.  No matter how fast you run, the wheel keeps coming with no end in sight.  Because of that, I reached the point of exhaustion several times with several visits to the emergency room or urgent care centers.  They'd patch me up and send me back out, and off I'd go again.  When I look back, I reflect that I kept thinking "when I get to X position or Y salary, I'd finally be happy".  Each time I reached that point, I didn't feel any differently.

That day in April, I realized that for all my achievements, I still wasn't doing for myself.  I was always doing for others, which is a great thing, but not when you ignore your own needs.  I made a commitment that, for myself, I would do a better job of taking care of myself.  With full support from my wife, Debbie, I started a quest.  

The first step was to start a diet.  I had tried Weight Watchers and succeeded in losing weight, but I always gained it back.  I felt I needed something different.  And with that, I enrolled in Noom.  It wasn't just another weight loss program, but included the psychology part that I felt was missing before.  As a software geek, I need to understand how things work.  Noom helps me understand why I make the decisions I make, and helps me with strategies that make it easier to make better choices.  THAT was the first step of doing something for me.

The second step was to get in better shape.  I played a lot of sports in high school and college, and was always in very good shape.  As I got older, I stopped playing sports, and could never quite find something that held my attention long enough to stick with it.  Running just isn't my thing, and I am past the point of wanting to participate in a team sport.  We had purchased a ProForm elliptical/recumbent bike combination last year, but I just never got into it.  I finally decided it was time to use the recumbent bike.  Additionally, the bike included membership with iFit where you can do workouts with trainers.  They're not the trainers you see in commercials where they push you until you might collapse.  Trainers that encourage you to do your best, accepting yourself when you don't have it that day, and feeling good about just showing up and trying.  

I didn't just want to lose weight.  I also wanted to be fit.

As of now, I'm down from 260 pounds to 225 pounds.  I set a conservative goal of 230 pounds, but now am on a quest to get to 210 pounds.  I'm feeling good, and my eating habits have really changed a lot.  I have a confidence that this is something I can maintain.  As far as the exercise bike goes...as of today (since April), I have logged 403 miles, burned 12,629 calories, and ridden just short of 34 hours.  I started out slow, but have been pushing myself to get better and now it's a central part of taking care of myself.

There will be more entries to this blog as I have a lot to more to share.  However, I've had an important revelation.  Simply doing things to take care of myself each day puts me in a better mindset.  The exercise helps me work out stress related tension, and I start each day with about a 40 minute ride that clears my head and let's me start my day on the right foot.  I'm able to better manage stress throughout the day, and feel good about myself whether I've "achieved" something or not.  Debbie has joined me on this journey and has been making great strides in exercise and diet as well.  We don't compare or compete with each other, but we always support each other.

In all of this, I've realized that happiness is a journey, not an event.  In the past, everything was tied to some sort of achievement.  However, I've realized that the real achievement are the things I do each day to take care of myself and my family.  The other things are great and I celebrate them, but mostly, I just try to celebrate who I am, independent of judgement from anyone else.  People are going to have opinions of you no matter what you do, and if you're not happy with yourself, you can get wrapped up in that.  Once I realized that, everything changed.

There are a lot of tips and things I'll share in other blog entries, but I've taken the first step by writing this down.  Judge me if you want...but for the first time in my life, I can honestly say I don't care.  That's on you, not me.